Personal


My Fiancé and I spent a big part of the weekend at the camping, at the in-laws camper. Sunny and rainy days but how relaxing! I managed to get a sun burn but no mosquito bites. The dogs ran their heart out and we had a couple (…) of beers, and spent the evening and part of night in front of a fire.
The Loon sang all weekend long and the Frogs all night long. All just perfect!
I had, and went to campings often or cottage. We all know deep in the country, the people are different. It’s ok, I don’t mind, we all get along and nothing gets to me. But this weekend, I was stun. We went for a breakfast in a local restaurant. The first thing I noticed and never thought to see somewhere else than in a city Mcdonald’s is in those 15 customer there, only 3 were not obese. Ok, happens, might be a coincidence. But I spotted that guy, taking his breakfast with a Pepsi… ouch! Bad Start, answer no.1 there… at least for his case. Then we got our food…. here’s answer no.2! The patatoes that were supposed to be sauté or roasted, had so much butter in it, they were creamy cubes and tasted like butter. The toasted bread had so much butter on it, it was damp and tasted like butter with toast more than toast with butter! My cholesterol went high up this morning! I guess they are so deep in the country they never heard of cholesterol, artery blockedand so on!
Erkk….

French, english… hurray for the mix! Guess I’ll make that blog bilingual….

Quand j’arrête pour y penser, la tite Louve que j’étais à pris le bord; la vie m’a sacré une quantité de claque en plein visage dont j’aurais pu me passer. La Louve que les gens connaissait est devenue petit chiot braillard, sensible et “psychotique”.
La Louve à eu une seule bonne chose dans sa vie jusqu’à date et elle se bat quotidiennement avec la peur de la perdre… cette seule personne qui lui à donné des frissons inoubliables depuis le 10 novembre 2007, la seule qui me rend “speachless” et folle d’amour.
Malgré que je tentes le positisme et que je tente toujours de pas y penser, certains évènements, dont, exemple, quand je m’arrête 30 secondes pour penser, me décourage au point de me voir comme une “failure”. Je tente de me reconstruire, de penser à autre chose, entre autre la seule lumière de ma vie… mais le chemin est très ardue pour redevenir l’Alpha de moi-même, La Louve mordante que j’étais. J’ai peine à expliquer pourquoi on m’appellais La Louve avant. Un rien me met en larmes. Je suis incapable de suivre.
Je remercie tout les jours la vie de m’avoir mis mon Amour sur mon chemin, il est celui qui me tiens en un seul morceau, sans lui, j’abandonne l’instinct de survie.
Je sais que un jour, à moins qu’une autre brique à GPS me vise encore, je vais m’en sortir. J’ai déjà eu une bonne nouvelle la semaine passé: Je suis enfin “qualifié: selon le gouvernement du Canada, ils peuvent m’appeller à tout moment pour un poste. Allumer des cierges, prier le diable, chatouillez bouddha, what ever votre religion en autant que ça peut m’aider à ce qu’ils m’appellent vite: Je veux un bon salaire, je veux des vacances, je veux des journées maladies, je veux un horaire normal, je veux être fière de mon emploi.
Ca serait un pas de plus, ou plutot un outils de plus pour m’aider à retrouver ma confiance et ma force. Il va que rester à laisser à la poubelles mes ombres du passé et ces mauvais évènements qui mon détruit émotionnellement et qui on détruit ma confiance… elles m’ont presque achevés même pour certain…
Mais j’essaye fort de pas me laisser atteindre, comme avant, je vous le jure.
Je suis tanné d’être sur le bord de la depression, j’ai assez pris de pillules… oui elles me fesait du bien, je vivais normalement… et je sais que si mon médecin lirais ça, j’y retournerais assez vite merci!! Et sans compter les recommendations de thérapie! Anyways avec ces pillules là je suis incapable de v…… 😛
Bon… ma collègue de travaille viens de me lancer une “coffee crisp”, anti-dépresseur à court terme qui va drette din fesses…. ça fait du bien!
Bon suffit la déprime….. vite il me faut des remontant!

Hurray for importing blogs to another one… I tried to import this blog to blogger…. and it won’t take it… guess the spirit of WordPress will keep me here… hope he as good templates and styles to show me!
Anyways….

I am a “graphist” that lost her Mac and Photoshop… Lack of money for a new computer and software, as my old one is too tired to be entirely fontionnal.
And I have been searching for the perfect blog host that could provide me the possibility of customizing my blog freely: Colors, headers, fonts….
But I soon found out that WordPress, don’t give all of this all together. As I want darker colors with custom header…. I can’t.
So I’ve begin to search for a new host, and it pisses me off. Will I have to copy/paste all my posts? I gonna have to change my address everywhere and it might no be even better.
Yes I know HTML codes… even though it’s quite far in my head, but I won’t freakin’ pay for that when I could just host a website and have a custom address too. anyways, no money. I can bearly live.

People in underground, real raves, can get weird. But this atmosphere is so relax and friendly that you just don’t care. You want to have fun.
I remember seeing a man around 50 to 60 of age, in a leopard tong, dancing in front of the DJ. He looked so high! That was at a party made at the RedLite in Laval called “CIRCLE”.
I even saw, and was confirmed by himself, at the very first “The Arrival” party an Canadiens player! I don’t remember who, but I wouldn’t tell eventhough I remembered… you all know how the public and media are around our team!
Some say that people are having sex all around the place: false. In 6 years in the scene, I saw that once. And you had to pay attention to them coz you would have never notice. Of course the “E” gets people more sexual and loving. But we, they, are decent.
It’s also an occasion to be flashy and “happy” styled. Glitter, false fur, bright colors…. name it!
Never did I saw violence.
I even once, with a friend, Roxanne (Rox where are you!!!!), did an interview at “Bounce” to Charles Tisseyre, he was thrilled to have us on film saying he adores the way we express ourselves etc… but sadly, my ex, told him to not pass it coz he don’t want his parents to see it coz they will say that he takes drugs if I do!!!!!!!! Mr Tisseyre tried to convince him, but no luck, I heard of it later that night. I was so mad. So you just see my hand with pills in it. The way you can tell is that on my fourth finger I have a pale mole… lol
I remember also, at my first party, “Sphere”, that guy, I don’t know is name, he passed about 1 hour talking with me about his hair, saying his friends did spikes with he don’t know what and he never asked for that haircut and blablabla… lol I thought it was interesting lol On speed you can just blabla all night and you get up personnal, but it feels so good to talk so freely and the fact that the other person is so receptive.
Wow… I miss that!

Not so long ago… well…. ok… a few years… I was a Raver. Not the one who gets excited by the upcomings of electronic events such as “Black & Blue” or “Bal en Blanc”. Those are shameful for the real raver world. My first party was “Sphere” on the south shore of Montreal in 1997 if my memory is right. I actually got my winter coat stolen there, a 300$ worth Billabong Coat (If the guy or girl that stole it read this: I want my coat back!!!) I remember one of the songs: Born Slippy
That was before the commercial world saw it on “Trainspotting”. Then I was in underground, 200 to 800 persons rave parties every weekends or so. I hab ny furry fat pants, my pacifier, my glitter… name it! Yup, I was what they called a Kandi Raver! But every day, I was more sober. Those were some of the greatest days of my life. I had so much fun.
Yeah, I hear you all asking: Yes I did drugs. I did Speed (Pink, Strawberry and then Peach) I did also Ecstasy (phantom was my fav!).
Oh! And do me a favor… don’t believe the medias. They soooo don’t know what they are talking about when it comes to Rave parties…. real ones.
I raved about from 1997 to 2002. My last party was “Birth of a Fairy” and got a CD from Frank Cyberr, an L.A DJ.
My all time favorite song, and I had the chance to ask Chek’Math or DJ Mecha to spin it for me was The First Rebirth, an hard-acid style song.
I had the classic LightSticks or GlowSticks, everything! God I miss that! Yes I went through hours of massage with Tiger balm, my most memorable was with ex-PsykoFrog promotor and friend, Louis. I really enjoyed it my friend if you read this! And if you didn’t know, Rox took a picture of that… yiiish, felt good but doesn’t look good lol
Have the chance, I would do it again, but don’t think I would survived this today. Anyways, I heard it isn’t like it was….

Wow…. so much memories!!!! PARTY!!!

My brain smells like fire right now. Smoke is getting out my ears as I am trying to think about a subject to write about for my blog. I keep on searching and it’s blank, nada!
Of course I could rage against my boss and supervisor as they are the perfect image of a clueless, cold-hearted, unrespectful and empty individuals.
I don’t feel like it.
I could also make a text full of love for my Fiancé.
I feel like it but I don’t want to get on anyone’s nerves with my lil birdies and lil hearts and rainbows.
I could let my dark side speak, and let my fears and voice from beyond take over.
I don’t feel like it.
I could talk about dreams I have and wishes.
I don’t feel like it.
I actually feel like writing, well…. typing in this case, but I don’t have a subject that will get my fingers to go on.
Maybe I am just so tired. I know we had 4 days off, I was ok yesterday, I guess, but… now I am so tired. Drained. I need a never-ending hug.
I feel like taking the place of Chuck Noland, Tom Hank’s character in Cast Away and do the finger to the world. But let me take a computer, my iPod and food…. lol and maybe build me a lil home!
Anyways, y’all get the point!

Well.. guess it will be for another day!

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